By going off for no apparent reason...
a. Is it really that hard...
To offer Mass by the books, REALLY? God forbid the offertory take a whole 30 seconds longer to pour the wine into the chalices before consecration. Why should I obey, when you don't? Wasn't Christ Obedient unto death? So much for letting Christ shine through your actions. Quite frankly, if the choice comes between irreverent Mass and staying at home, I'm choosing staying at home, Masses are a near occasion of sin for me, I end up ridiculously angry, I've tolerated enough crap, NO MORE!...and alas, the economy prevents me from escaping to TLM every week.
b. Shut it...
On the following: The economy (yeah, it sucks), Lady Zero's fat crusade (get the heck off my tv screen), Fr Corapi (he's still a priest until he's been laicized officially by his Bishop), It's all repetitive information, tell me something I don't know.
c. Speaking of Fr Corapi...I have a few words...to him.
i. The life of a priest is difficult, it is the Cross made real daily. Don't back away just because of a perceived in-justice. Trust and you will be cleared.
ii. I moved across the country to join a religious order, knowing absolutely NO ONE, no idea what I was up for, only to be told no, be forced to move back across the country, and effectively have to start from ground zero again. Do you think I was content? I wasn't, still am not, and probably won't be so for a while. This process is still difficult, do me a favor, think before jumping.
iii. Cults of personality are a bad thing, whenever they appear do what you can to deflect them. They build into our egos (which are bad enough). It's not about you, and you know this, it's difficult, but you must.
iv. Don't want to live in community? Fine, leave the order, but no need to leave the priesthood. I pray for you, you pray for me.
d. A few kind words of thanks:
i. To my former SD who will be moving back to Nigeria next week. For showing me the example of how to live the Cross daily.
ii. To Mrs. Makarova, who has been helpful in bringing back to my mind the things of physics I forgot
iii. To all of my former students that I've ran into over the past few months, for reminding me how much I am needed.
e. Why haven't you been blogging?
i. The energy to blog has not been there since about February give or take. I've been worn out and still need more time to recover, I was oddly compelled to write today.
ii. I've been working on my teaching credential to teach maths and physics. Test July 9ths.
iii. That said, i have been reading some blogs, not commenting though, keeping a VERY low profile.
f. On matters of sports.
i. I'm glad that Dallas won the NBA finals. Rooting for LeBrick James is like rooting for Obamacare to pass, just no way I can do it. That and I can't stand arrogant fools.
ii. My Mariners are playing well :), I totally did not expect this.
iii. Women's world cup: Go USA
g. On matters of the heart.
i. I feel that I have to go to the bottom before I can start up. I start from ground zero up. This includes spiritually. For those of you that miss me at YA Events, I'll try to make it out to the upcoming events.
ii. Break-ups are painful, leaving the order has been, continues to be, and will be painful for quite a while. I don't take things well, get over things easily, or forget anything that happens, and that's just how it is.
iii. That said..my trip to Russia has been postponed no thank you to Jury duty being scheduled the week before I'm scheduled to bounce this country and head to Russia. You bet I'm going to take it out on the court system :D
iv. I don't want to play games. God is going to have to drag me directly if He wants me, otherwise, it's back to being a mathematician and a physicist and teaching students and the whole 15 kids named in order after the Saints in the Roman Canon. (Yes, I'm speaking 3/4ths truth to this statement)
v. There are certain people I'd pursue if they were ready to be pursued, that is all. Otherwise, the potential for marriage lives an 11 hour time difference.
h. New things...
i. The new shows other than Good Luck Charlie (with the adorable little baby Mia Talerico) on Disney channel suck. They pretty much hit their last home run with this show, and don't need to take away Wizards of Waverly Place. Is it me, or is it hard to find good young actresses?
ii. I think we need to re-establish a culture of failure, every one's been told they can do anything, when they can't..EG: Bieber, Black, need I say more?
i. Problems that are self-inflicted
a. Don't complain to me about you being pregnant...you're the one that decided to have the kid, not my fault you couldn't keep your legs closed ;). God forbid you have to keep yourself under control.
b. It's probably a good idea when you're getting out of a traumatic event to take time away to reflect, not immediately jump to the next thing. (or person). Especially if there's a friend you were supposed to go out with had he not gotten hit by a car...just sayin'
c. Zero, ATM's have been around for a long time, they weren't invented in 2008 or anytime during the previous administration. They're not responsible for any job loss at all.
j. Conclusion
a. Pray for me, I need it.
b. I should go get a drink or 3.
c. Pax Vobis
Listen to verbumveritatiss Playlist
24 May 2011
I'm baaaaaaaack
After a month of technical difficulties, i'm back to blogging, I guess it's been a while since I've last blogged or have had anything worth while saying.
Fact of the matter is since the "break-up" (aka religious life not working out for me) I have not had the energy to sit and blog about anything at all. Yes, I've thrown a few self-pity parties (Megan and Rachel will know exactly what I'm talking about). I have not made much mention of my personal sufferings (and still won't)...but I will tell you a little bit of what's going on before I make commentary on things.
a. I'm working on my teaching credential for math and physics.
b. I'm actually going to get my physics book published after I do a fresh re-write.
c. Yes, I've been going to Mass and making use of the Sacraments, in spite of the difficulty.
d. I ask prayers for my current SD, as he will be moving soon, and I will need to find a new one.
e. I will be teaching Confirmation II at St Joseph's in Pomona, and Confirmation I at St Therese in Alhambra
f. Let me go ahead and answer speculation and say, "no" I'm not entering back into religious life.
Now that I've said the above, let me make some comments on things.
a. I've stopped paying attention to the news, at this point, I really don't care. Zero's destroying the economy, gas prices are crap, and the NFL still is in labor dispute.
b. The world didn't end on the 21st, what part of NO MAN knows the time, and hour, not even the Son, but only the Father in heaven do people not get? It's in the Bible, I swear almost as if people don't read. (Oh wait.....)
c. The Lakers lost, they deserved it for playing like crap and acting arrogantly
d. Long live our Holy Father, he continues to amaze me, God is really at work through him.
e. My desires of being a priest have been effectively destroyed by a high pressure water hose, I have zero intent of going back to Religious Life. (And for those of you about to say, Oh Joe, it wasn't the right order, or go diocesean, let me remind you that I take things deeply and personally regardless of intent, even if I don't show my cards)
f. With e said, there's a few potential Mrs. JT. Keep them in prayer.
g. My Russia trip is being postponed a month due to me having to buy a new mac.
h. Bad Liturgy has been spiritually draining on me since my return home.
i. I'm going to however, be doing podcasts..will tell you my user name and all that later.
I humbly ask that you keep me in prayer...I don't know how often I'll be blogging from this point forward, we'll see.
Pax Vobis
Joseph Therese
Fact of the matter is since the "break-up" (aka religious life not working out for me) I have not had the energy to sit and blog about anything at all. Yes, I've thrown a few self-pity parties (Megan and Rachel will know exactly what I'm talking about). I have not made much mention of my personal sufferings (and still won't)...but I will tell you a little bit of what's going on before I make commentary on things.
a. I'm working on my teaching credential for math and physics.
b. I'm actually going to get my physics book published after I do a fresh re-write.
c. Yes, I've been going to Mass and making use of the Sacraments, in spite of the difficulty.
d. I ask prayers for my current SD, as he will be moving soon, and I will need to find a new one.
e. I will be teaching Confirmation II at St Joseph's in Pomona, and Confirmation I at St Therese in Alhambra
f. Let me go ahead and answer speculation and say, "no" I'm not entering back into religious life.
Now that I've said the above, let me make some comments on things.
a. I've stopped paying attention to the news, at this point, I really don't care. Zero's destroying the economy, gas prices are crap, and the NFL still is in labor dispute.
b. The world didn't end on the 21st, what part of NO MAN knows the time, and hour, not even the Son, but only the Father in heaven do people not get? It's in the Bible, I swear almost as if people don't read. (Oh wait.....)
c. The Lakers lost, they deserved it for playing like crap and acting arrogantly
d. Long live our Holy Father, he continues to amaze me, God is really at work through him.
e. My desires of being a priest have been effectively destroyed by a high pressure water hose, I have zero intent of going back to Religious Life. (And for those of you about to say, Oh Joe, it wasn't the right order, or go diocesean, let me remind you that I take things deeply and personally regardless of intent, even if I don't show my cards)
f. With e said, there's a few potential Mrs. JT. Keep them in prayer.
g. My Russia trip is being postponed a month due to me having to buy a new mac.
h. Bad Liturgy has been spiritually draining on me since my return home.
i. I'm going to however, be doing podcasts..will tell you my user name and all that later.
I humbly ask that you keep me in prayer...I don't know how often I'll be blogging from this point forward, we'll see.
Pax Vobis
Joseph Therese
07 April 2011
Rants in a sentence Spring Edition
a. since I'm single...I can speak to whomever I wish :) b. Church issues aren't black and white always. One good thing about the Church post Vat II, is that they're not as quick to swing the condemnation stick. c. For the record, I like a ton of people, but love very few. d. I do have patience, but I'm not going to waste my time if it's not going to work. I'm all about productivity and getting things done. e. Vengeance and retribution may be God's, I just speed it along f. Relationships in of themselves aren't evil, just not a fan when it's my heart that gets stepped on in the process. g. Reading my mind, don't try it, if you want to know what I think, ask...(of course I'm not obligated to speak it) h. Archbishop Gomez can't change things overnight...be patient. i. Nothing gets invalidated by change in circumstance. j. yes, i do use my memory against you when I can, what of it? k. Country music rocks, I don't care what you say l. Being traditional doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it. m. I anticipate failure. hence why there's so many back up lans. n. 4 of my friends are in relationships I don't particularly care for. 1 bothers me more than anything that the particular person realizes. o. Yes, guys and girls can be friends without any romantic interest between the 2 parties p. If you were in my shoes you'd be as angry as I am. q. These annual rants in a sentence are sponsored by Congress, stealing power since 1776
05 April 2011
To the critics of my new archbishop
He's only been Archbishop for a month...don't expect any major changes. YET
25 March 2011
A blessed Solemnity of the Annunciation
The Annunciation is one of my favorite days on the Calender. We get to Genuflect at the Creed, and also my favorite prayer (the Angelus) revolves around the Annunciation and the Incarnation.
I'm thinking a big t-bone steak in honor of Our Lady today :)
I love when Solemnities occur on Fridays during Lent :)
I'm thinking a big t-bone steak in honor of Our Lady today :)
I love when Solemnities occur on Fridays during Lent :)
23 March 2011
Some thoughts
a. Guilt until proven innocent..
All the major blogs are commenting on the Fr Corapi situation. Whatever happened to innocence until proven guilty. Oh wait, he's a Catholic priest, he had to have violated the vows. (note sarcasm). We freak out because of the minority that do mess things up for the majority all the time, but this is ridiculous. Lest you think I'm being biased, the same principle applies to the TSA and virtually every American Law on the books. The system is flawed...though that's an argument for another day.
b. Going to Mass
Has been the most difficult thing for me to do, though I have been going. I'm still trying to recover from not being in seminary anymore, and the fact that I'm not with the religious order. The pain is often a bit too much at times. There are various situations which do not make this any easier. I ask for your continued prayers as I attempt to adjust to "normal life."
c. Libya
I really think the occupant in the White House hasn't read the Constitution. Even the left knows you must ask Congress before declaring war. Ya know something, since he's not following the Constitution, I think he should be impeached. Of course that'd make sense, so that's never going to happen.
d. Japan'ed out
I feel for the victims of the earthquake, I live in earthquake central, only in Ca do we have a parish named San Gabriel de los trembles. But after a certain amount of time, I get annoyed with hearing things. The same for Justin Bieber and Michelle Obama invading Disney Channel
e. the NCAA tourney
My brackets are busted...enough said
f. Good news...
I'm working to obtain my credential to teach math and physics on high school level. In what I'd like to call a "once in a lifetime opportunity" My old physics teacher from HS is retiring, and I may get the job replacing him since I'm an alumni. I should probably get my crazy resume of teaching together or something like that.
g. Travel to Russia
I'm quite fascinated with Russian culture, I of course will be traveling to Russia very soon. (and by soon, I mean the moment I obtain $ 1000 )
h. Archbishop Gomez
Will be at St Therese Parish tomorrow in Alhambra, guess who's gonna show up...or try not to get caught in traffic
Pray for me and God bless
All the major blogs are commenting on the Fr Corapi situation. Whatever happened to innocence until proven guilty. Oh wait, he's a Catholic priest, he had to have violated the vows. (note sarcasm). We freak out because of the minority that do mess things up for the majority all the time, but this is ridiculous. Lest you think I'm being biased, the same principle applies to the TSA and virtually every American Law on the books. The system is flawed...though that's an argument for another day.
b. Going to Mass
Has been the most difficult thing for me to do, though I have been going. I'm still trying to recover from not being in seminary anymore, and the fact that I'm not with the religious order. The pain is often a bit too much at times. There are various situations which do not make this any easier. I ask for your continued prayers as I attempt to adjust to "normal life."
c. Libya
I really think the occupant in the White House hasn't read the Constitution. Even the left knows you must ask Congress before declaring war. Ya know something, since he's not following the Constitution, I think he should be impeached. Of course that'd make sense, so that's never going to happen.
d. Japan'ed out
I feel for the victims of the earthquake, I live in earthquake central, only in Ca do we have a parish named San Gabriel de los trembles. But after a certain amount of time, I get annoyed with hearing things. The same for Justin Bieber and Michelle Obama invading Disney Channel
e. the NCAA tourney
My brackets are busted...enough said
f. Good news...
I'm working to obtain my credential to teach math and physics on high school level. In what I'd like to call a "once in a lifetime opportunity" My old physics teacher from HS is retiring, and I may get the job replacing him since I'm an alumni. I should probably get my crazy resume of teaching together or something like that.
g. Travel to Russia
I'm quite fascinated with Russian culture, I of course will be traveling to Russia very soon. (and by soon, I mean the moment I obtain $ 1000 )
h. Archbishop Gomez
Will be at St Therese Parish tomorrow in Alhambra, guess who's gonna show up...or try not to get caught in traffic
Pray for me and God bless
15 March 2011
Catholic Media Promotion Day
I've been running around protesting today, so I haven't really posted on this...
Short and sweet
3 Fav blogs
1. Fr Z-The Latin is just so much better....it just is.
2. Acts of the Apostasy-humor, orthodox, I always get a kick out of this blog
3. Dymphna's Road-frank and honest commentary, love her blog. Though sadly when I was in Va, I didn't get to meet her, oh well, next time.
2 fav Catholic links
1. The Vatican-self explanitory
2. Zenit-good news summary
3. Catholic culture-I like some of the articles
My own work
My blog here...Thanks for reading in spite of the lack of posts. It's been a tough adjustment to the real world. I'm thankful for the friends that I've made through the blog world, as well as in real life.
Pax Vobis
Short and sweet
3 Fav blogs
1. Fr Z-The Latin is just so much better....it just is.
2. Acts of the Apostasy-humor, orthodox, I always get a kick out of this blog
3. Dymphna's Road-frank and honest commentary, love her blog. Though sadly when I was in Va, I didn't get to meet her, oh well, next time.
2 fav Catholic links
1. The Vatican-self explanitory
2. Zenit-good news summary
3. Catholic culture-I like some of the articles
My own work
My blog here...Thanks for reading in spite of the lack of posts. It's been a tough adjustment to the real world. I'm thankful for the friends that I've made through the blog world, as well as in real life.
Pax Vobis
11 March 2011
I almost forgot to write about this....
Good morning...
I arrived back in California on Monday night...I've been doing a ton of working so I haven't had the opportunity to blog quite yet, so I'll go in order of the events that have happened.
a. Math minds are always in need...
Literally the very next day I was tutoring math...once a math teacher always a math teacher :)
b. Best Ash Weds ever!
My fellow blogger/friend/LA running mate Emmy and myself went down to the Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels (Yes, can't you tell that the new occupant has brought a joy to some of us here) for Ash Weds Mass. (though we didn't get there until about Communion time, thanks to me getting lost looking for a particular institution). Who knew the parking lot would be completely full and we'd have to park outside for a few extra dollars. (Whenever I become president (or world dictator), I'm totally making paying for parking illegal)
We didn't get our ashes until after Mass was over. Went to the bookstore and picked up a Rosary and Holy Card, and guess who we ran into on our way out...
Archbishop Gomez of course :), to which both of us kissed the ring and were filled with glee like little kids in a candy store. He blessed the rosary and holy card. There's new wind in Los Angeles, and it's filled with orthodoxy and warmth. The fact that our Archbishop took the time to talk to us is awesome. (and Emmy and I are fairly tall, we're like towers to the archbishop, LOL!). His pectoral cross was awesome...(all gold :))
Things are slowly changing here in LA....and I'm glad it.
c. I'm officially
Enrolled in my crudential program. I should be done by the end of next year. Back to the teaching world by next year :)...
d. Let us pray for
The earthquake victims in Japan...
I arrived back in California on Monday night...I've been doing a ton of working so I haven't had the opportunity to blog quite yet, so I'll go in order of the events that have happened.
a. Math minds are always in need...
Literally the very next day I was tutoring math...once a math teacher always a math teacher :)
b. Best Ash Weds ever!
My fellow blogger/friend/LA running mate Emmy and myself went down to the Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels (Yes, can't you tell that the new occupant has brought a joy to some of us here) for Ash Weds Mass. (though we didn't get there until about Communion time, thanks to me getting lost looking for a particular institution). Who knew the parking lot would be completely full and we'd have to park outside for a few extra dollars. (Whenever I become president (or world dictator), I'm totally making paying for parking illegal)
We didn't get our ashes until after Mass was over. Went to the bookstore and picked up a Rosary and Holy Card, and guess who we ran into on our way out...
Archbishop Gomez of course :), to which both of us kissed the ring and were filled with glee like little kids in a candy store. He blessed the rosary and holy card. There's new wind in Los Angeles, and it's filled with orthodoxy and warmth. The fact that our Archbishop took the time to talk to us is awesome. (and Emmy and I are fairly tall, we're like towers to the archbishop, LOL!). His pectoral cross was awesome...(all gold :))
Things are slowly changing here in LA....and I'm glad it.
c. I'm officially
Enrolled in my crudential program. I should be done by the end of next year. Back to the teaching world by next year :)...
d. Let us pray for
The earthquake victims in Japan...
01 March 2011
The News...and other stuff
a. Wisconson and the unions
While unions in of themselves aren't intrinsic evils. There is a problem with the unions in this particular case.
The good governor is not trying to destroy unions, alright. What he is trying to do is prevent coercion into unions. That is to say people should not be forced to be apart of a union they don't want to be apart of.
Also, in what world do you elect your boss? None that I know of. Doesn't that make a conflict of interest? I think so...and as a former member of the teachers' union, I can say that this organization is the 2nd most evil organization in the US.
b. The unrest in the Middle East
The Middle East has been in un-rest for how long now? Before Biblical times I'm guessing. But here's something to think about...Iraq and Egypt were once secular governments. Now that they're not...Israel for all intensive purposes is screwed.
c. How am I doing?
I've been offered a job in tutoring Chemistry. There also is a youth ministry job that I'm interested in applying to. Things are going okay. I'll be flying to Ca next week.
d. Prayer requests
for Fr's Alexander Lewis, and Nicholas Milich
e. random note
Why is HGTV so addicting?
While unions in of themselves aren't intrinsic evils. There is a problem with the unions in this particular case.
The good governor is not trying to destroy unions, alright. What he is trying to do is prevent coercion into unions. That is to say people should not be forced to be apart of a union they don't want to be apart of.
Also, in what world do you elect your boss? None that I know of. Doesn't that make a conflict of interest? I think so...and as a former member of the teachers' union, I can say that this organization is the 2nd most evil organization in the US.
b. The unrest in the Middle East
The Middle East has been in un-rest for how long now? Before Biblical times I'm guessing. But here's something to think about...Iraq and Egypt were once secular governments. Now that they're not...Israel for all intensive purposes is screwed.
c. How am I doing?
I've been offered a job in tutoring Chemistry. There also is a youth ministry job that I'm interested in applying to. Things are going okay. I'll be flying to Ca next week.
d. Prayer requests
for Fr's Alexander Lewis, and Nicholas Milich
e. random note
Why is HGTV so addicting?
28 February 2011
21 February 2011
So, I'm no longer living religious life.
The funny thing about hosting a blog is that it can be kind of burdensome that I'm writing for a particular audience. It's the paradox between obligation and non-obligation all at the same time. The one thing that I ask of you all the time is to pray for me. I never specify what that reason is....
As many of you know I was with the Order of the BVM of Mercy not all that long ago and am in a bit of recovery mode at the moment, but at this point, I felt it necessary to explain a few things. Before I do my reflection, I need to write a few things most people aren't familiar with.
a. A religious vocation is not someone that anyone has a right to. That is to say one can be determined to not have a call to a particular religious order for various reasons. These reasons may not be a bad thing. It's just that a particular spirituality or charism does not fit with a particular order or what not. It doesn't mean that the person does not have a religious vocation, just not to that particular community. Or likewise, it could be the reverse where the order doesn't fit the personality of the person.
b. The American system o economy is really not suited for the Catholic Church and her mission. (More on this point a bit later)...
c. The subjective feelings that I may be going through do not overshadow the objective nature of things learned as well as the various other goods that have happened.
So, I'm sure you have a laundry list of questions for me such as the following:
1. What was living religious life like?
2. Are you going to be joining the diocese or another order soon?
3. What did you learn about yourself?
4. What did you learn about others and living in community?
5. How did you know that you weren't called to that order?
6. Aren't you a bit pissed off?
And many other questions that I'm sure that you want to ask me. Well, I'll answer them within reason.
1 What was living religious life like?
Well, read my other entries on how religious life was. :)
2. Are you going to be joining the diocese or another order soon?
Well, from a legal standpoint, I'm supposed to wait a full year before entering a diocese or religious order. At this point, I'm still recovering from the break up. I won't be thinking about Religious Life for a long time at this point. For those of you that know me in real life, know that I think intensely and am very detailed, and do not like sudden changes. Perhaps one day I may talk with the soon to be new archbishop of LA about my situation. (Oh yes, that's another thing which I'll talk about later). Perhaps I'll join another religious order, at this point, I don't know.
3. What did you learn about yourself?
There are many characteristics that I've known about myself for a long time. I'm stubborn (in both a good and bad way), I'm a pretty good teacher, I have a love for academia, I'm a night owl, I'm not a people person, I'm quite introverted. I have a hot temper, i'm quite a paradox at times, It's quite interesting how these qualities came to play out in religious life.
a. Stubborness..
Some people like to use the word "control freak" to describe this quality. I'd disagree, I'm just very particular about how things will get done. I'm fine changing something, but I'm not fine with changing in a particular manner. I'm going to go about doing it my way. Let me give an example of this in the academic world. There was a certain professor who thought I was an idiot. So, come the next class, I showed him up. I have a very feisty personality which will fight when I get the chance to prove someone wrong. (Of course later, I got that professor fired). Or another example, if someone tells me, Joe, you should cover that before you put it there. Me hating when others try to read my mind, or assuming that I'm an idiot, will purposely not do something. I taught physics enough to know that 1:30 of uncovered time isn't going to damage anything. It's like moving a stone wall with me at times, but it does move in slow patterns. It took me time to adjust to the dress of religious life. Since I detest suit and tie (I don't mind the suit, tie not so much), I'd do everything in my power to avoid it. Eventually, I adjusted my dress to match everyone elses' (though I was still a bit cold and my knees act up from time to time, so I would have a degree of variation). I never did it to draw attention to myself. I was just merely cold, that's all, and because of the metal in my body, it was necessary that I be warm :).
b. Teaching
As a matheamtician, I always break things down from complex to simple. I was able to sue these skills quite well, in particular in my classes where I did quite well. (I could have done better, if it wasn't for the bell curve in a particular class, but I passed that one). I guess, thinking like a professor helped me to do well with formation academically, and learning what I was learning with the order.
c. my love for academia
I do have a teachers' heart, it's a pretty well known fact about me. I got along well with a particular professor. (My math skills are still fairly sharp, I was able to correctly deduce my prof's age and after doing that, it's no secret why her and I got along so well, we're in the same age bracket.). As much as I complain about the system (and that's quite frequently, and it does need to be changed), I still love those that are in the world, and my heart is in teaching and research. I'm a person when the professor isn't out to kill me and making my life miserable, is quite dedicated to his studies. (more on this point later).
d. Being a night owl
Clearly does not suit well for religious life when one has to be at prayers by 6:30 am. I study better at night than I do in the day time. I'd rather stay up til 3 studying, than go to sleep at 10, period. This was a difficult point of adjustment for me. I'd have periods where I was better than other days, I was starting to get better at it, yet at the same time, once I'm on a roll working, I don't like to stop working. During the day I get distracted because of all the things that I'd like to do, and at night I'm much better able to focus on the things that I'm able to do. I did well in my academic formation classes so I know that the system works. I've tried studying in the day time, it just does not suit myself or personality. I learned this quickly about myself, and pretty much refused to change that aspect of my work ethic. (Work was getting done, and bear in mind I wasn't up every day until 4 am). I've used the stone analogy before. I'm willing to compromise...say 12 instead of 4 to go to sleep...but, studying in the early evening wasn't working for me, and will never work. (I'm a person of extremes).
e. Not a people person/introvert.
One thing that people don't realize is that when people refer to themselves as introverts and extroverts it's not the same thing as being shy. Introversion is the way that one processes information. I do it better when I'm away from people and away from the spotlight. Both of these came to a full understanding during my time in religious life. I like to sit myself in the back away from people, and I did this more than once during community time. For one I like to observe and make detailed notes of what goes on. For another, I'm a bit shy myself and will generally keep to myself unless there's a gun to my head where I have to be with people, or see a situation where being with people would be beneficial. For example, I don't mind teaching students or being in front of people. I love to pass on my knowledge onto someone else. I do mind being the center of attention and the focus of something. Like when priests point me out during the Liturgy, I shy away and hide.
f. hot-headedness
Though no one in the community ticked me off and got to see my hot headednes. Early on in this semester, there was a professor who was testing my patience and was about to find out how hot headed I can be. I don't like being compared to other people or assumed that I'm someone else. I'm different and don't have the same characteristics of everyone else. One thing that drives me crazy is when people place themselves on a pedastool thinking they're God. That will always set me off. As that one professor found out many years ago, when my intelligence is insulted, I swing for a knockout, and I get it 100% of the time. (I got that professor fired, my idea, my work, haha)...Various factors can contribute to that. Considering the fact that I was sick off and on since January didn't help matters for me.
4. What did you learn about living in community and religious life?
It's hard. It's no wonder that religious life is purgatory. It's not easy to live in a house full of guys, and the varying temperaments. Most of the things in this category are inter nos, so I won't talk about them.
5. How did I know I wasn't called to the order?
In religious life, God's will is spoken through our superiors. In this case, the order determining while I had characteristics of a person with a vocation it wasn't to their particular community. I don't leave them on a bad note. I remain friends with everyone in the monastery and hope to maintain some form of connection with them. in what way, I don't know yet, I still have a ton of things to pray about.
6. Aren't you a bit pissed off?
Now that I've had a week to cool off and realize what has happened. I think I'll be okay. God's will be done, not my own will. Whatever it maybe. H.E. Cardinal Mahony will be retiring next Sunday. I'm going to be doing a giant new years' eve type thing wth the ball drop if I can find one for the retirement party, it's going to be great. But I will say this, I gave all of myself that I could, it didn't work out. I'm exhausted at this point. It'd be beneficial, if this was not brought up in actual conversation unless you're "in the circle" or I bring it up in conversation. This will be my final word on religious life for now :)
Anyways, thanks for listening, and joining on this pat of my journey, pray for me as I will pray for you.
As many of you know I was with the Order of the BVM of Mercy not all that long ago and am in a bit of recovery mode at the moment, but at this point, I felt it necessary to explain a few things. Before I do my reflection, I need to write a few things most people aren't familiar with.
a. A religious vocation is not someone that anyone has a right to. That is to say one can be determined to not have a call to a particular religious order for various reasons. These reasons may not be a bad thing. It's just that a particular spirituality or charism does not fit with a particular order or what not. It doesn't mean that the person does not have a religious vocation, just not to that particular community. Or likewise, it could be the reverse where the order doesn't fit the personality of the person.
b. The American system o economy is really not suited for the Catholic Church and her mission. (More on this point a bit later)...
c. The subjective feelings that I may be going through do not overshadow the objective nature of things learned as well as the various other goods that have happened.
So, I'm sure you have a laundry list of questions for me such as the following:
1. What was living religious life like?
2. Are you going to be joining the diocese or another order soon?
3. What did you learn about yourself?
4. What did you learn about others and living in community?
5. How did you know that you weren't called to that order?
6. Aren't you a bit pissed off?
And many other questions that I'm sure that you want to ask me. Well, I'll answer them within reason.
1 What was living religious life like?
Well, read my other entries on how religious life was. :)
2. Are you going to be joining the diocese or another order soon?
Well, from a legal standpoint, I'm supposed to wait a full year before entering a diocese or religious order. At this point, I'm still recovering from the break up. I won't be thinking about Religious Life for a long time at this point. For those of you that know me in real life, know that I think intensely and am very detailed, and do not like sudden changes. Perhaps one day I may talk with the soon to be new archbishop of LA about my situation. (Oh yes, that's another thing which I'll talk about later). Perhaps I'll join another religious order, at this point, I don't know.
3. What did you learn about yourself?
There are many characteristics that I've known about myself for a long time. I'm stubborn (in both a good and bad way), I'm a pretty good teacher, I have a love for academia, I'm a night owl, I'm not a people person, I'm quite introverted. I have a hot temper, i'm quite a paradox at times, It's quite interesting how these qualities came to play out in religious life.
a. Stubborness..
Some people like to use the word "control freak" to describe this quality. I'd disagree, I'm just very particular about how things will get done. I'm fine changing something, but I'm not fine with changing in a particular manner. I'm going to go about doing it my way. Let me give an example of this in the academic world. There was a certain professor who thought I was an idiot. So, come the next class, I showed him up. I have a very feisty personality which will fight when I get the chance to prove someone wrong. (Of course later, I got that professor fired). Or another example, if someone tells me, Joe, you should cover that before you put it there. Me hating when others try to read my mind, or assuming that I'm an idiot, will purposely not do something. I taught physics enough to know that 1:30 of uncovered time isn't going to damage anything. It's like moving a stone wall with me at times, but it does move in slow patterns. It took me time to adjust to the dress of religious life. Since I detest suit and tie (I don't mind the suit, tie not so much), I'd do everything in my power to avoid it. Eventually, I adjusted my dress to match everyone elses' (though I was still a bit cold and my knees act up from time to time, so I would have a degree of variation). I never did it to draw attention to myself. I was just merely cold, that's all, and because of the metal in my body, it was necessary that I be warm :).
b. Teaching
As a matheamtician, I always break things down from complex to simple. I was able to sue these skills quite well, in particular in my classes where I did quite well. (I could have done better, if it wasn't for the bell curve in a particular class, but I passed that one). I guess, thinking like a professor helped me to do well with formation academically, and learning what I was learning with the order.
c. my love for academia
I do have a teachers' heart, it's a pretty well known fact about me. I got along well with a particular professor. (My math skills are still fairly sharp, I was able to correctly deduce my prof's age and after doing that, it's no secret why her and I got along so well, we're in the same age bracket.). As much as I complain about the system (and that's quite frequently, and it does need to be changed), I still love those that are in the world, and my heart is in teaching and research. I'm a person when the professor isn't out to kill me and making my life miserable, is quite dedicated to his studies. (more on this point later).
d. Being a night owl
Clearly does not suit well for religious life when one has to be at prayers by 6:30 am. I study better at night than I do in the day time. I'd rather stay up til 3 studying, than go to sleep at 10, period. This was a difficult point of adjustment for me. I'd have periods where I was better than other days, I was starting to get better at it, yet at the same time, once I'm on a roll working, I don't like to stop working. During the day I get distracted because of all the things that I'd like to do, and at night I'm much better able to focus on the things that I'm able to do. I did well in my academic formation classes so I know that the system works. I've tried studying in the day time, it just does not suit myself or personality. I learned this quickly about myself, and pretty much refused to change that aspect of my work ethic. (Work was getting done, and bear in mind I wasn't up every day until 4 am). I've used the stone analogy before. I'm willing to compromise...say 12 instead of 4 to go to sleep...but, studying in the early evening wasn't working for me, and will never work. (I'm a person of extremes).
e. Not a people person/introvert.
One thing that people don't realize is that when people refer to themselves as introverts and extroverts it's not the same thing as being shy. Introversion is the way that one processes information. I do it better when I'm away from people and away from the spotlight. Both of these came to a full understanding during my time in religious life. I like to sit myself in the back away from people, and I did this more than once during community time. For one I like to observe and make detailed notes of what goes on. For another, I'm a bit shy myself and will generally keep to myself unless there's a gun to my head where I have to be with people, or see a situation where being with people would be beneficial. For example, I don't mind teaching students or being in front of people. I love to pass on my knowledge onto someone else. I do mind being the center of attention and the focus of something. Like when priests point me out during the Liturgy, I shy away and hide.
f. hot-headedness
Though no one in the community ticked me off and got to see my hot headednes. Early on in this semester, there was a professor who was testing my patience and was about to find out how hot headed I can be. I don't like being compared to other people or assumed that I'm someone else. I'm different and don't have the same characteristics of everyone else. One thing that drives me crazy is when people place themselves on a pedastool thinking they're God. That will always set me off. As that one professor found out many years ago, when my intelligence is insulted, I swing for a knockout, and I get it 100% of the time. (I got that professor fired, my idea, my work, haha)...Various factors can contribute to that. Considering the fact that I was sick off and on since January didn't help matters for me.
4. What did you learn about living in community and religious life?
It's hard. It's no wonder that religious life is purgatory. It's not easy to live in a house full of guys, and the varying temperaments. Most of the things in this category are inter nos, so I won't talk about them.
5. How did I know I wasn't called to the order?
In religious life, God's will is spoken through our superiors. In this case, the order determining while I had characteristics of a person with a vocation it wasn't to their particular community. I don't leave them on a bad note. I remain friends with everyone in the monastery and hope to maintain some form of connection with them. in what way, I don't know yet, I still have a ton of things to pray about.
6. Aren't you a bit pissed off?
Now that I've had a week to cool off and realize what has happened. I think I'll be okay. God's will be done, not my own will. Whatever it maybe. H.E. Cardinal Mahony will be retiring next Sunday. I'm going to be doing a giant new years' eve type thing wth the ball drop if I can find one for the retirement party, it's going to be great. But I will say this, I gave all of myself that I could, it didn't work out. I'm exhausted at this point. It'd be beneficial, if this was not brought up in actual conversation unless you're "in the circle" or I bring it up in conversation. This will be my final word on religious life for now :)
Anyways, thanks for listening, and joining on this pat of my journey, pray for me as I will pray for you.
14 February 2011
Your prayers
Do pray for me...God has made it clear what His will is for me...and it is not where I am...I'm going into hibernation for a few weeks/months...however long I need...
02 February 2011
A few things of note.
a. Prayers for the repose of the soul of my friend's father.
This friend happens to be a dear one to me and someone who has been near me through my own sorrows. (I could go on a huge explanation of what she means to me, and how she's been there, but that would alas take too much time). I would sincerely appreciate it if you offered prayers for her and her family as well as for the repose of her father's soul. It hurts me much to see her going through this. Going through this with my mom, grandma, and a another friend who also lost her father it's been especially trying on me.
b. An extension on pt. a
Please also pray for me. This has really brought me down to the point where I didn't even bother getting up this morning because I was so depressed and in tears. (No, there is no visual evidence of such, I grieve privately). I wasn't known to the blogging world at the time of my mom's death (didn't have a blog, let alone the term blog), but that time was both physically and spirutally draining on me. As these memories came into my mind, this is what broke me down at vespers the other day (albeit quietly)...and has made me for all intensive purposes a numb robot ignoring everything....Aye yai yai....As if being sick last week and struggling wasn't enough!
c. The good Cardinal
aka Cardinal Rigali gave a good talk to us yesterday. Focused on the new translation and remaining in God's love as well as the letter from Pope Benedict XVI to seminarians. I didn't have a chance to mention to the cardinal that I'm from his home town.
d. A blog of note...
Island Envoy....it'd be nice if a few more Bishops spoke like this
This friend happens to be a dear one to me and someone who has been near me through my own sorrows. (I could go on a huge explanation of what she means to me, and how she's been there, but that would alas take too much time). I would sincerely appreciate it if you offered prayers for her and her family as well as for the repose of her father's soul. It hurts me much to see her going through this. Going through this with my mom, grandma, and a another friend who also lost her father it's been especially trying on me.
b. An extension on pt. a
Please also pray for me. This has really brought me down to the point where I didn't even bother getting up this morning because I was so depressed and in tears. (No, there is no visual evidence of such, I grieve privately). I wasn't known to the blogging world at the time of my mom's death (didn't have a blog, let alone the term blog), but that time was both physically and spirutally draining on me. As these memories came into my mind, this is what broke me down at vespers the other day (albeit quietly)...and has made me for all intensive purposes a numb robot ignoring everything....Aye yai yai....As if being sick last week and struggling wasn't enough!
c. The good Cardinal
aka Cardinal Rigali gave a good talk to us yesterday. Focused on the new translation and remaining in God's love as well as the letter from Pope Benedict XVI to seminarians. I didn't have a chance to mention to the cardinal that I'm from his home town.
d. A blog of note...
Island Envoy....it'd be nice if a few more Bishops spoke like this
30 January 2011
How has my first month back been you ask?
As I've made no qualms about, I was enjoying very much the weather back at home in Ca before I left back for Pa. Where it's 70 degrees and no snow, it's wonderful. Yes, I'm a fan of hot weather, just in case you haven't noticed.
Adjustment back to schedule hasn't been easy. Though now that I've found this "hell alarm" i can be up at the appointed hours. Being grumpy never sounded so cool :p
Classes have started again...I can honestly say that this semester has gone relatively smoothly so far with the exception of the snow. It's good to look at, walk in not so much.
Went to the march for Life in DC...it was quite short and more like a quick climb rather than a walk. It was freezing so i felt all the screws that I have inside me. It was beautiful to see everyone standing up for Life. The San Fran one was a bit more penitential...(and 40 degrees warmer :p)
I will only say continue to pray for me as I'm going through a few trials at this time.
Pax
Adjustment back to schedule hasn't been easy. Though now that I've found this "hell alarm" i can be up at the appointed hours. Being grumpy never sounded so cool :p
Classes have started again...I can honestly say that this semester has gone relatively smoothly so far with the exception of the snow. It's good to look at, walk in not so much.
Went to the march for Life in DC...it was quite short and more like a quick climb rather than a walk. It was freezing so i felt all the screws that I have inside me. It was beautiful to see everyone standing up for Life. The San Fran one was a bit more penitential...(and 40 degrees warmer :p)
I will only say continue to pray for me as I'm going through a few trials at this time.
Pax
29 January 2011
Some thoughts on Liturgy
a. The TLM is not a cure all for the problems that are in the Church. People leave the Church even with the tradition and the patrimony of the Rite. There is a disconnect between the encounter with the Most Holy Trinity and the living out in our lives. The Mass is supposed to transform us. We've all got a ton of work to do in this regard. (Especially myself). Nor do I really think any Traditionalist thinks this in their hearts (they act like it for sure, no doubt). What's really going change the world is the reconnection with the Liturgy in our lives and how we live out the Gospel, this part is missing from "Save the Liturgy, Save the World" Once this happens the World will be transformed.
b. Clarity is something that will be needed. Genuflect when not at Mass, bow to the altar even though the Tabernacle is in the center of the Church. (GIRM 274)...why not a both and solution...First bow to the Altar then genuflect to the Tabernacle (because quite frankly it looks smoother)...alas Joe that makes too much sense :p
c. Bridge the disconnect between Liturgy and Life, and Save the World :)
b. Clarity is something that will be needed. Genuflect when not at Mass, bow to the altar even though the Tabernacle is in the center of the Church. (GIRM 274)...why not a both and solution...First bow to the Altar then genuflect to the Tabernacle (because quite frankly it looks smoother)...alas Joe that makes too much sense :p
c. Bridge the disconnect between Liturgy and Life, and Save the World :)
24 January 2011
New Translation Excuse...well, I've lost count
Entrance Antiphon for today: sparkle
Edward Cullen...LOL!
Edward Cullen...LOL!
23 January 2011
Pro-Life and a few thoughts.
a. The quiet witness is more effective in pro-Life outreach. Those that I've known that have converted to the pro-Life side have been swayed because of the quietness and the acts of love shown towards them...not the condemning to hell that some people do.
b. Yes, I finally get to go to the DC MFL. I've wanted to go for years, but couldn't afford it...now I get to go, woot :D
c. Perception isn't always reality. Sometimes, you try and trust, and things still go wrong...tends to happen every once in a while.
d. Basis excite me...enough said...okay, that was a math geek reference, but who cares :p
b. Yes, I finally get to go to the DC MFL. I've wanted to go for years, but couldn't afford it...now I get to go, woot :D
c. Perception isn't always reality. Sometimes, you try and trust, and things still go wrong...tends to happen every once in a while.
d. Basis excite me...enough said...okay, that was a math geek reference, but who cares :p
19 January 2011
From the mind of class
a. To love someone is to be able to be affected by a person
As I heard these words in class, my first thought wasn't what you'd think my first thought would be. My first thought went back to my vacation at home. And I thought to a particular moment in time. (No, not going to allude to it). Truly everyone that I encountered at home, I love...(well, MOST everyone)
b. When Liturgies are cut off from their source, they're self contained.
It doesn't matter whether it's the TLM or Vernacular Liturgy. It's about the Trinity. If we lose sight of that. All things are pointless. If the reverence and the execution of ritual doesn't unveil that mystery, indeed there is a problem.
As I heard these words in class, my first thought wasn't what you'd think my first thought would be. My first thought went back to my vacation at home. And I thought to a particular moment in time. (No, not going to allude to it). Truly everyone that I encountered at home, I love...(well, MOST everyone)
b. When Liturgies are cut off from their source, they're self contained.
It doesn't matter whether it's the TLM or Vernacular Liturgy. It's about the Trinity. If we lose sight of that. All things are pointless. If the reverence and the execution of ritual doesn't unveil that mystery, indeed there is a problem.
18 January 2011
Turn down the volume, I can't hear silence
Speeding along the highway at 100 mph,
Then there's an assembly of horns honking for miles
There's an accident on the other side of the highway
People stare for miles
Hours pass and I finally get past it
And then road construction closes off the highway
The detour takes forever and goes through dangerous areas
There's an inn along the way, in which I stay and be comfortable.
I must reach my destination...alas I must get up and continue
But when I look outside there's a snowstorm blocking the inn and my way of travel
And being from Ca, I don't shovel snow.
..And so I trust when it melts that I'll be able to go.
Then there's an assembly of horns honking for miles
There's an accident on the other side of the highway
People stare for miles
Hours pass and I finally get past it
And then road construction closes off the highway
The detour takes forever and goes through dangerous areas
There's an inn along the way, in which I stay and be comfortable.
I must reach my destination...alas I must get up and continue
But when I look outside there's a snowstorm blocking the inn and my way of travel
And being from Ca, I don't shovel snow.
..And so I trust when it melts that I'll be able to go.
17 January 2011
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